Exercise #:

Impersonal or distanced.
Original

First day of senior year is legit. Driving to school in my Audi. My music is BLASTING and its 7:30 in the morning, but I don’t care. I’m a senior. I can do whatever I want and no one will care. I finally run the school. Walking through these doors gives me an adrenaline rush the size of a tidal wave. I can’t stop smiling walking down this hallway. I’m glowing with happiness. When have I ever been excited to start a school year? Haha never. But this year is so different. This year is the year when everything comes together. When I will make memories that will last a life time. I’m so excited, this year is going to be a piece of cake.

Revised

First day of senior year is legit. Driving to school in my Audi. The music is BLASTING and its 7:30 in the morning, but I don’t care. It’s senior year. Seniors can do whatever they want and no one will care. Finally, we run the school. Walking through these doors gives me an adrenaline rush the size of a tidal wave. The smile on my face is bright and huge. My body is radiating with happiness. When have I ever been excited to start a school year? Haha never. But this year is so different. This year is the year when everything comes together. Memories will be made that will last a life time. I’m so hyped, this year is going to be a piece of cake.

I chose this one because I realized that this paragraph had way too many "I's." It was a little too personal and the reader couldn't really get a feel for how I was actually feeling. I added a bit more detail and changed the words around and it's like a whole new paragraph. I feel like it's a lot more well written.