Blog #3 Jenna Volpe

This is exercise 5 which was eliminating the first person "I"

Before:

I have traveled quite a bit for someone of my age. I have been to Europe, South America, and Central America. Because of my experiences traveling, I believe that I have a broader view on the world as a whole. I have a huge appreciation for others opinions and perspectives on life. I value interactions with people and forming relationships. I think that a lot about where you end up in life is by who you know, but mostly about how you made them feel. Some people remember faces and some remember names, but everyone remembers how you made them feel. It is very important to me to make people feel welcomed and appreciated.

After:

For someone of my age, traveling has been a large part of my life already. Having been to Europe, South America, and Central America my eyes have been opened. Traveling experiences give people a broader view on the world as a whole. A huge appreciation for others opinions and perspectives on life come from visiting other places in the world. Interactions with people and forming relationships are very important. A lot about where you end up in life is by who you know, but mostly about how you made them feel. Some people remember faces and some remember names, but everyone remembers how you made them feel. It is very important to make people feel welcomed and appreciated.

I found this exercise to be very difficult because I had to completely manipulate my sentence structure to get rid of all the "I"s. It took me a while to think of how I was going to arrange the words to form a complete sentence. Also, I don't think my paragraph flows as smoothly (not that is was very smooth in the first place). It is somewhat choppy now because the sentences seem random and just put there.

This is exercise 4 which is changing the point of view.

Before:

One Halloween I was dressed as a hotdog along with my chihuahua Paco, we were matching. I was in my car with my two friends, one dressed as a cat and one was pocahontas. We were on our way to pick up one more friend to go trick or treating. I looked down at my phone for a split second to tell them “I’m almost there” and when I looked up the cars in front of me were at a complete stop because one of them was turning and there was no time for me to do anything. I rear ended a truck and the first thing that I could think was “Oh my gosh..I’m in a hotdog suit” I stepped out of my car in the middle of the road and said to the lady “I know I’m in a hotdog suit, but I’m really sorry for hitting you.” She was the nicest lady ever and I know she could feel my pain. Plus she had a trailer hitch so I didn't even touch her car, mine took all the damage. I sat on the side of the road crying in a hotdog suit until the police showed up. My car got towed and it was the worst halloween ever.

After:

One Halloween a 16 year old girl was dressed as a hotdog along with her chihuahua Paco, they were matching. She was in her car with her two friends, one dressed as a cat and one was pocahontas. The girls were on their way to pick up one more friend to go trick or treating. The young girl looked down at her phone for a split second to tell her friend “I’m almost there” and when she looked up the cars in front of her were at a complete stop because one of them was turning and there was no time for her to do anything. She rear ended a truck and the first thing that she could think was “Oh my gosh..I’m in a hotdog suit.” She stepped out of her car in the middle of the road and said to the lady “I know I’m in a hotdog suit, but I’m really sorry for hitting you.” Who she hit ended up being the nicest lady ever and the young girl knew she could feel her pain. Plus the woman had a trailer hitch so I didn't even touch her car, the young girls’ took all the damage. She sat on the side of the road crying in a hotdog suit until the police showed up. Her car got towed and it was the worst halloween ever.

I enjoyed this exercise because it made me look at my snapshot from a different and interesting perspective. Changing the point of view truly changes the whole story completely and somewhat puts you in someone else's shoes to show you what you look like to them. It made me realize how pathetic I really looked that night.