Blog #3 - Koji Tilley

Exercise #: 4

Before:

It was surreal... as if it came straight out of a dream. I am in Carnegie Hall. The walls

were lined with gold... I’m entranced by the beautiful architecture that I stand within. As the

Wind Ensemble settles themselves into the chairs nicely set up on stage, I helped my fellow

percussionists organize the equipment backstage. Then, we began to warm up. Our band director conducted the first note to our warmup. He stopped, and the band just observed, in awe, the essence of that one note that we just played. The tasteful resonance echoed through the entire hall. We all let that sink in, realizing where we really are in this world. We just played a single note in the world’s most renowned hall. It was simply satisfying.

After (2nd pov):

It was surreal... as if it came straight out of a dream. You’re in Carnegie Hall. The walls were lined with gold, as you are entranced by the beautiful architecture that you stand within. As the Wind Ensemble settles themselves into the chairs nicely set up on stage, you helped your fellow percussionists organize the equipment backstage. Then, the band began to warm up. Your band director conducted the first note to the warmup. He stopped, and the band just observed, in awe, the essence of that one note that was just played. The tasteful resonance echoed through the entire hall. You, along with everyone else in the room, let that feeling sink in, realizing where you all are in this world. Your fellow band members played a single note in the world’s most renowned hall. You feel simply satisfied.

(3rd pov)

It was surreal… as if it came straight out of a dream. The band is in Carnegie Hall. The walls were lined with gold, as everyone is mesmerized by the beautiful architecture that surrounded them. As the wind instrumentalists settle themselves into the chairs nicely set up on staged, the percussion section was setting up their equipment backstage. Then, the band began to warm up. Mr. Dunn conducted the first note of the warmup. He stopped, though, and everyone just observed, in awe, the essence of that one note that was just played. The tasteful resonance echoed through the entire hall. Everyone in the room let that sink in, with the realization of where the band was at this moment in time. The Crestview High School Wind Ensemble just played a single note in the world’s most renowned hall. It was satisfying for everyone on stage.

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This exercise was an interesting one, since it completely changes the focus and the viewpoint that the reader is experiencing. When the above snapshot is written in 2nd person, it makes the reader feel like he/she is involved in the experience. Before, when the snapshot was written in 1st person, it was a more personal experience for me, but by simply changing it to the 2nd person, I felt like I could share my experience.

When written in 3rd person though, the focus completely changes. When I wrote the 3rd person omniscient perspective, I felt like I was sitting in the chairs in the audience, watching the band prepare themselves. And even as an audience member, the one note played still seems to reverberate through everybody. What's interesting about the 3rd person view is that the structure of the sentences had to change to accommodate everyone that was involved. It gave a little bit more background, as an audience member, to be able to see what was happening. Of course, more personal details are left out, but they can still be implied through the message that is being sent by the writing.