Aaron Mazyck 9/15

Part 1

Suggestions

·      Lack of detail

·      Poor punctuation

·      Over using cliché

·      Incomplete thoughts

Strengths

·      Genuine emotions

Part 2

I enjoyed this revision style because of the emphasis on the content rather that worrying about how well it is written. It helped me see what need to be added. In the past peer revisions haven’t been very helpful because revisions have been so focused on commas and periods. Also it helps me know what the reader wants to hear about.

Part 3

I main issues I need to fix is take out the clichéd statements and replace them with a more  descriptive sentence or statement. Another issue is that I have not completed a few of my thoughts so I need to reconstruct the paper a little to tie it all together even though I do want it to appear random. The last thing I need to fix is the overall vagueness so far. I have been focus on periods of time rather then specific events which I struggle with because I feel like I am not capturing the same amount of emotion.