Blog #3 (Revision Ex)

Exercise #:9

Before:

Waiting for him going on three hours now- it is 6’oclock on a Saturday and I’m sitting there half debating making the hour drive home or simply not replying to his texts half wanting to cry. We decide to walk around Anna Maria in the 97 degree weather. Finally my phone vibrates and I look down to see what would soon become my favorite name in the whole world. He showed up looking far better than I’d expected. First off I don’t know a single person who actually looks good in a bucket hat- but that faded blue bucket hat was working for him. Six foot four, blue eyes- or maybe there were greener that day, dirty blonde hair and the jawline of a God...

After:

Waitin' going on three hours now. 6’oclock on a Saturday. I sit half debating drivin’ the hour drive home and ignoring his texts and half wanting to cry. It gets decided to walk around Anna Maria in the 97 degree weather. My phone vibrates. I look down to see what surely is now my favorite name in the whole wide world. He made it. He stands there, smoking’ hot and better than i’d been expecting. I never knew a single person who actually looked decent in a bucket hat. My how that faded blue bucket hat was working for him though. Six foot four, blue eyes with little bits of green that day. That messy dirty blonde hair and a jawline etched by God...

I posted this revision because it is completely different from how i would think I would write about Dylan. changing the tone to something else- It is a different kind of voice, a different style but it still brings out him and the characteristics I wanted to capture. To me when i wrote this piece i wanted it to be smooth, to be detailed to show how easy going and great he is. But doing this exercise and adjusting the tone of it i could look at my writing about Dylan in a different way. It makes it more nervous I feel and gives you more of a sense of the uneasiness and butterflies he gives me as well. The aggravation of the wait is help to be shown more with the choppy sentences and it helps show that emotion before he got there. I did a few fragments in the exercise and a lot of short structure so its more of a collection of what was going on and what was in my head then just an overview of the situation. I liked this exercise because it made me thing about my writing. To try and go outside of how i would normally write and what image i had created of what i wanted it to be. I had to do something different and it was really helpful and interesting to me. I wouldn't have thought just rewriting a paragraph in a differnt way could change a perspective on it, granted it is different but its still the same content. It gets me excited for the rest of my revisions!