Blog #3: "Style Revision" -Emily Plower

The smell of the boat’s exhaust and the crisp ocean air was all too familiar. It was a hot summer day on the boat with my dad, cousins, and uncles. We were off the coast of North Carolina and embarking on our famous fishing trip. As we were going out to the fishing grounds I sat with my cousins talking and making wagers as to who would be the one with the most note-worthy fish. My cousin John won every year, and he had every intention of defending his title of wrangler of the year for the Plower family again. However, that hot and humid July morning I had a weird feeling that, that title would soon belong to me. When we got to our fishing destination I dropped my line in the crystal clear water and waited. I felt an unimpressive nibble and so in a swift motion I yanked the pole back and set the hook. As I was reeling the fish in I was slightly disappointed at the puny fight it was putting up. As the fish creeped up to the surface and was approximately four feet below I discovered it was a paltry Sea Bass. Disappointed, I continued to reel it in until, Bam! A monstrosity of a fish devoured my Sea Bass and the hook with it! I had a beast on my line at this point. My fishing pole immediately bent in half and the fish on my line was putting up the fight of its life. I reeled the fish in for what seemed hours, my muscles aching and screaming. After nearly forty-five minutes of reeling in the fish, I was finally successful. With the help of my dad I lifted the behemoth fish over the side of the boat. The massive 50 pound Amberjack was an exquisite silver and brown color. I could not believe the sheer size of the allusive creature and that I caught this giant. My cousins, uncles, and dad all stood around me in awe of my catch. I knew I would I have the prized catch of the day and that the bragging rights belonged to me. The rest of the day my cousins all spent trying to catch a comparable fish, but none were up to the task. Walking off the boat that day I felt triumphant. I finally had my fish story.

and

Before: So it might be a little weird, but I go to a tree for inspiration. The day I was born my mom and dad planted a tiny seedling Grapefruit tree, giving it the name, “The Emily Tree”. Starting out the tree was small and meager, nothing more than a twig sticking out of the ground. My parents truly didn’t think it would survive a gust of wind. However it did survive, flourished, actually. The tree grew and grew as the years passed, surviving difficulties with pests, deer, and lack of water (we are a busy family, watering plants wasn’t a priority!). Regardless though, The Emily Tree stayed rooted and unmoving; one year producing almost 300 grapefruits! To the benefit of our neighbors, they received garbage bags full of the fruit, regardless if they liked them or not. So a tree as inspiration, its strange, I get it. Think about it though, that little twig that stuck out of the ground survived eighteen years in my yard. Eighteen years of whirling wind, scorching sun, and torrential Florida downpours, I would have to say that’s pretty impressive. The entire time The Emily Tree was growing, much like myself during those eighteen years. As I went through rough times, so did the tree. The Emily Tree’s leaves may have been shaken but they never fell, much like life, it hands you a couple bad cards but it’s never the end of the game, there is always a way to come out winning.

After: So it might be a little weird, but there is a girl who goes to a tree for inspiration. The day she was born her mom and dad planted a tiny seedling Grapefruit tree, giving it the name, “The Emily Tree”. Starting out the tree was small and meager, nothing more than a twig sticking out of the ground. Her parents truly didn’t think it would survive a gust of wind. However it did survive, flourished, actually. The tree grew and grew as the years passed, surviving difficulties with pests, deer, and lack of water (they were a busy family, watering plants wasn’t a priority!). Regardless though, The Emily Tree stayed rooted and unmoving; one year producing almost 300 grapefruits! To the benefit of her neighbors, they received garbage bags full of the fruit, regardless if they liked them or not. So a tree as inspiration, its strange, and thats an understandable feeling. Think about it though, that little twig that stuck out of the ground survived eighteen years in her yard. Eighteen years of whirling wind, scorching sun, and torrential Florida downpours, One would have to say that’s pretty impressive. The entire time The Emily Tree was growing, much like herself during those eighteen years. As she went through rough times, so did the tree. The Emily Tree’s leaves may have been shaken but they never fell, much like life, it hands one a couple bad cards but it’s never the end of the game, there is always a way to come out winning.

First Activity: I enjoyed this activity of actually going back and assessing the adjectives used. It allowed me to take the time and think about possibly better words that could describe what I am trying to say. Often times when I write I get consumed with trying to just finish, but going back allowed me to focus and put more care into my word choice. I noticed I used very simple words like "huge" or "small" when if I had put more time into word choice I could've used a better word choice that would be more creative. I posted this one in particular because I think that there are certain sentences that were greatly enhanced by my revised used of adjectives. This is an exercise that I will use again in a paper when I revise in the future.

Second Activity: I thought the activity on changing the POV was actually really beneficial. I liked that it made you think, in the sense that it wasn't just changing one or two words but sometimes entire sentences. It made me realize how important the POV is and how it may effect surrounding verbs and the tense of the way in which things are said. It will aid in my future papers and remind me to pay close attention to my verb tense, nouns, and what POV that I am using in accordance. At times I can get lazy and will switch points of view in a paper which can obviously leave a reader confused at what is occurring.