Blog #3 Jenna Volpe

This is exercise 5 which was eliminating the first person "I"

Before:

I have traveled quite a bit for someone of my age. I have been to Europe, South America, and Central America. Because of my experiences traveling, I believe that I have a broader view on the world as a whole. I have a huge appreciation for others opinions and perspectives on life. I value interactions with people and forming relationships. I think that a lot about where you end up in life is by who you know, but mostly about how you made them feel. Some people remember faces and some remember names, but everyone remembers how you made them feel. It is very important to me to make people feel welcomed and appreciated.

After:

For someone of my age, traveling has been a large part of my life already. Having been to Europe, South America, and Central America my eyes have been opened. Traveling experiences give people a broader view on the world as a whole. A huge appreciation for others opinions and perspectives on life come from visiting other places in the world. Interactions with people and forming relationships are very important. A lot about where you end up in life is by who you know, but mostly about how you made them feel. Some people remember faces and some remember names, but everyone remembers how you made them feel. It is very important to make people feel welcomed and appreciated.

I found this exercise to be very difficult because I had to completely manipulate my sentence structure to get rid of all the "I"s. It took me a while to think of how I was going to arrange the words to form a complete sentence. Also, I don't think my paragraph flows as smoothly (not that is was very smooth in the first place). It is somewhat choppy now because the sentences seem random and just put there.

This is exercise 4 which is changing the point of view.

Before:

One Halloween I was dressed as a hotdog along with my chihuahua Paco, we were matching. I was in my car with my two friends, one dressed as a cat and one was pocahontas. We were on our way to pick up one more friend to go trick or treating. I looked down at my phone for a split second to tell them “I’m almost there” and when I looked up the cars in front of me were at a complete stop because one of them was turning and there was no time for me to do anything. I rear ended a truck and the first thing that I could think was “Oh my gosh..I’m in a hotdog suit” I stepped out of my car in the middle of the road and said to the lady “I know I’m in a hotdog suit, but I’m really sorry for hitting you.” She was the nicest lady ever and I know she could feel my pain. Plus she had a trailer hitch so I didn't even touch her car, mine took all the damage. I sat on the side of the road crying in a hotdog suit until the police showed up. My car got towed and it was the worst halloween ever.

After:

One Halloween a 16 year old girl was dressed as a hotdog along with her chihuahua Paco, they were matching. She was in her car with her two friends, one dressed as a cat and one was pocahontas. The girls were on their way to pick up one more friend to go trick or treating. The young girl looked down at her phone for a split second to tell her friend “I’m almost there” and when she looked up the cars in front of her were at a complete stop because one of them was turning and there was no time for her to do anything. She rear ended a truck and the first thing that she could think was “Oh my gosh..I’m in a hotdog suit.” She stepped out of her car in the middle of the road and said to the lady “I know I’m in a hotdog suit, but I’m really sorry for hitting you.” Who she hit ended up being the nicest lady ever and the young girl knew she could feel her pain. Plus the woman had a trailer hitch so I didn't even touch her car, the young girls’ took all the damage. She sat on the side of the road crying in a hotdog suit until the police showed up. Her car got towed and it was the worst halloween ever.

I enjoyed this exercise because it made me look at my snapshot from a different and interesting perspective. Changing the point of view truly changes the whole story completely and somewhat puts you in someone else's shoes to show you what you look like to them. It made me realize how pathetic I really looked that night.

Blog #2 Jenna Volpe

To me writing is like a nagging chore. I never want to do it so I just hold it off until the very last minute and somewhat just throw it together and make it work. I have never really been one to just write for the fun of it, it seems like every time I am being graded on my work. That is the part of writing that gets me the most. I could talk for hours but when it comes to putting it down on paper in the perfect grammatical format, with detail and transition words, and all of that good stuff I start to get anxious and appalled. I like to write about things that interest me, but when I am given a topic and an allotted amount of time to work with, such as FCAT writes or the ACT, it makes me not enjoy writing overall. In the past I have had times that I was so confident about what I wrote and I couldn’t wait to turn it in and show my teacher my work, but then when I got it back my grade would not reflect the effort that I thought I put into. That is one of the main reasons that I look at writing as a chore because it is not satisfying to me. I get somewhat discouraged when I see other people writing awesome stories and turning in great papers. I know I could do that as well but it doesn’t come very naturally for me. I am more of a talker than a writer.

Blog #1 Jenna Volpe

Writing has always somewhat intimidated me. I find that I struggle the most with getting a paper started. The initial thought process and brainstorming of ideas is always hard for me because I can’t mentally picture if it will sound write when I put it into words on a paper. Sometimes I just have to start with something and see where it goes, but that also freaks me out because I will get halfway through a paper and then realize what I should have done differently. I can be very indecisive and that makes writing difficult as well because I will get caught up on something as simple as which transition word I should begin a sentence with. I have never been much of a perfectionist so when it comes to grammar I tend to overlook it and not even think about it. A couple little mistakes have never bothered me, but I should probably start paying more attention to details and errors in my grammar because that will make my papers flow better. When I am writing about a topic that I’m not very familiar with I get really anxious about keeping the flow of the paper going. Also, I tend to struggle with due dates and making sure that I don’t wait to the last minute to start an important project. I get very anxious when I procrastinate, but sometimes I can’t help it because there is so much else going on that distracts me from getting things done on time.

Blog #2

For me writing is like working out....we all should be doing it to better ourselves but the majority hate  doing it. Few negative things come from building muscle or even staying fit. The same goes for writing. Viewing writing this way has help me because I now realize writing can't hurt me or my knowledge. You can only gain from writing. Lets say you have no idea about a topic; well now you have to research that topic to find something to write about. Whereas if you'd never written that paper you'd have no clue about said topic. Previously, I have viewed writing more like nails on a chalk board. Neither of the two had a point to me except punishment. This mainly stems from the fact that growing up, every kid hated writing so naturally if you were in trouble the teacher made you do just that which in retrospect wasn’t the best idea. In the third grade I repeatedly spoke out of turn and as punishment my teacher made me copy a full page out of our social studies textbook. The only thing I “learned” from that was to not talk anymore, not because it was rude, but simply because I didn't want to write that much ever again. Luckily, over time, I've been able to change my views and I now know that writing is not in anyway detrimental. i still have to admit just like exercise, i still dread doing it but at least it isn't hate.

Blog #3 - Serena Cecere

I chose to do Exercise Four of changing the Point Of View.

Before: Someone looked me in the eye today and told me everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason? Oh that’s great. My mom was just shot and killed for the mere reason of her being in the wrong place at the wrong time and there’s a reason for that? You’re honestly going to look me in the eye and try to justify her death by telling me not to worry, because there’s a plan for me? That’s going to make it better. Bring in God, tell me how he’s looking out for me, tell me about how he took my mom because heaven needed another angel. What about me? I didn’t need her? I’m 14 years old, now alone and motherless. But thank you, everything happens for a reason.

After: Someone looked her in the eyes today and told her everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason? She thought. That’s great. Her mom was just shot and killed for the mere reason of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and there’s a reason for that? They’re honestly going to look her in the eye and try to justify the poor girls moms death, by telling her not to worry and there’s a plan for her.  That’s going to make it better. Bring in God, tell her how he’ll always be looking out for her, tell her how heaven needed another angel. What about her? She didn’t need a mother? She’s fourteen years old, now alone and motherless. Sit there, looking into her hurt-filled eyes and tell her every things going to be okay and watch her expression as she listens to your lies.

I found this exercise particularly interesting because it's so crazy how changing a few words out of a paragraph can change the whole tone. It changes the whole story. My original paragraph was about an upset kid, my revised paragraph, to me, took the tone of an adult giving a narrative of advise on her disgust of how people treat children without parents. Telling it, although in basically the same words, entirely different. I found this most interesting because we often are so negligent of "the other side's story", that we forget that when we're writing, changing the perspective can put a whole new spin on things. I posted this exercise because I thought it was nifty to look at how things can change so drastically by a simple word choice. 

I also did Exercise Five, The Impersonal or Distanced "I"

Before: I’m small enough to crawl into that tiny little space

I can live for a week without my face

I come in thousands and thousands of kinds

Making me even harder to find

I run at three miles per hour

Germs spread quick to make you cower

Six inches is my biggest size

Well that’s been seen with your human eyes

You think I’m a bother and useless to you

So try to kill me, lets see the best you can do

I don’t need to eat for forty days

No water for a week and I’m barely fazed

Oh yes lets try to drown the little guy

I can stay underwater for thirty but good try

I appreciate the efforts you try to make

But killing us would be your biggest mistake

After: Small enough to crawl into that tiny little space

Can live for a week without a face

Come in thousands and thousands of kinds

Making it even harder to find

Run at three miles per hour

Germs spread quick to make them cower

Six inches is the biggest size

Well that’s been seen with their human eyes

They think it’s a bother and useless to them

So try to kill it, lets see the best they can do

Don’t need to eat for forty days

No water for a week, barely fazed

Oh yes lets try to drown the little guy

Can stay underwater for thirty but good try

Appreciate the efforts they try to make

But killing us would be their biggest mistake

I found this exercise to also be very interesting because taking things out of first person, like in my previous exercise, changes the entire perspective. It made my new work impersonal, and in my opinion not as fun to read. It also changed my end rhyme style, which I personally found annoying, because it meant If i was sticking with the newer version I would have to restructure multiple parts of my poem. This exercise I'm sure could've been a lot more beneficial using a different writing passage, but for this particular one, I was not a fan of the results. Which goes to show you how changing your writing and revising sometimes takes a lot of work and you sometimes run into both very good changes and some not-so-good changes that lead you back to the drawing board. Overall though, both of these exercises, opened my eyes to how you can drastically improve your writing and revise almost your whole story by replacing a few words. It was really neat to see how different these versions could become, by making simple changes.

Aaron Mazyck - Blog#2

That moment when you slide back your heavy metal chair on the tile floor in you dorm and the ground roughly vibrates and you cringe because the sound waves are piercing your eardrums, is how writing makes me feel. Now, getting the words in the page is difficult for me but really, it is reading my writing when I cringe in a lack a satisfaction. I have a total lack of confidence in my writing and over time further through school it has only made me hate writing more. I cannot say when but there was a point when I just switched to the mind set that I am an absolutely horrible writer. It doesn't help that when I was asked to do a quick write about the thoughts of some foreign affair My mind froze between the conflicting ideas and a dark fog rolled over my head between where I stand, next thing I know I am asked to turn in a blank piece of paper. It may have simply comparing grades of classmates what put me down. In a way it is sad but I let a simple number convince me that I am a horrible writer.

Although I have spent most of this blog and the previous blog talking about how I dislike writing and how I feel like I am bad it. But, truthfully after I write an essay and story, it can be fulfilling to have a visible story evidence of your stories, opinions, and expressions. It is solid words, as in having words that you can hold and having something tangible makes a huge difference.

         

blog #2

Writing metaphor

To me, writing is like exploring. It’s like a big adventure that includes ups and downs and getting lost. Writing makes me feel like my mind is exploring a big city. There are so many different ideas all around me and it’s amazing to take in. Writing makes my mind open up and get words and thoughts out of my brain and onto paper. It makes me explore different parts of my mind that I didn’t even know existed. I think as a writer, these metaphors say that I have no limit on what I can do with words. I’m very open as a writer to new ideas and opinions and I’m ready to explore and do more with what’s given to me. I like to take opportunities to learn different things and explore my mind and write about it. I think something that has influenced me as a writer is living in New York and being able to go to the city all the time. The city is one of my favorite places. It is so magical. There’s so much going on and so many things I could write about. The city can take you in any direction you want it to and that’s kind of how I am as a writer when I’m inspired. In New York City, there are one hundred or more ways to get to to somewhere, but you could take a completely different path every time and still end up in the same place. Taking adventures in the city and getting lost when you’re trying to go somewhere is amazing, in my opinion. You get to see so many different people and places and still end up in the same place. That’s how it is when I write. I love to get lost with my writing and see different points of views and opportunities.