Blog 9

Troy feels defeated after his anxiety attack. The weight of his current situation weighs heavy and his heart and mind. He goes to the computer and begins searching flights. Maybe he can leave. Maybe his miseries can be solved by running away. He stops and closes his laptop with a quick smash. "If I were to run away from all my problems," he says aloud to himself, "what will become of me? Life is hard, but I can't quit. A sense of ease washes over his numb and lanky body. He knows that ahead of him lay some of the hardest times he will have to endure. But he also knows that once he conquers this time in his life that he'll be stronger and wiser, and no one will be able to stop him.

Both physically and emotionally exhausted, Troy retreats to his bed. He gets angry with the world, breeding hate within his core. He thinks of how unfair and cruel all of it can be, all of it is. His anger turns to sadness and defeat. He feels worthless and weeps internally, too tired to form a tear. But then his thoughts turn a dark red, introduction some happiness into his mind. However this happiness is not what most would recognize as happiness. This was a dark and twisted happiness that Troy feeder. Maybe he liked the pain, the misery. It was fun being sad, being mad. At least he felt something. And he did feel something. He felt it more than he's ever felt anything in his life. The pain was fun to Troy and complaining about it even more so. It was then that Troy decided to be comfortably happy in his misery, and he went to sleep.

The rest of the night went by in waves of uncertainty. Troy thought to himself and thought hard, drowning in his internal words. "The world is cruel," he thought. He decided it was enough. He couldn't take all of the pain anymore, all of the sadness. It was time for him to be happy, and it was all up to him. He realized that his perceptions were leading him to his sadness and to his anger with life. He walked to his bed, not defeated, but contempt. Tomorrow would be a new day, one filled with opportunity and promise, and even if the day was not what Troy would hope, he would make it that way. Troy was done waiting for things to happen and done relying so heavily on everyone else to make him happy, or miserable. Troy was going to make for himself a better life.