Blog #10

I have learned so much about writing through this class and my writing style has changed a lot. Through this class I've become a better writer and a even a better reader. When thinking of the main ways my writing style has changed over this semester, dialogue is the first thing that comes to mind. Before college I really never wrote things were I would implement a lot of dialogue between the characters but now I have no trouble and enjoy doing it in my writing. I also never knew how important details and a lot of description is in writing until I saw how much it was emphasized in certain assignments in this class.  The most helpful exercises that lead me to become a better writer were certainly the countless revision workshops we did in our groups. Those workshops were always helpful and always made the revision process easier for me. The things I learned in this class that made me a better writer is the groundwork I needed so that I can continue to succeed in English courses as they get harder each semester. Without this class I would not be on a good track for ENC 1102.  In the beginning of the year the aspects of writing such as coming up with a good start to your paper and mastering grammar were two things that concerned me the most about my writing. However, through being in ENC 1101 those fears have totally gone away. I no longer worry about starting a paper because I've become very good at brainstorming and coming up with outlines in my head. As for grammar, I've learned that if you're careful and througho in your writing there is no reason to fear grammatical errors, especially when you have peers reading over your work double checking.

Blog #10

My writing style is definitely one that is more informal. I tend to write like i am speaking no matter what format of writing I am doing. I have a tendency to write as much as possible in the beginning getting all my ideas out on paper and then once revising comes it turns out I really just repeated myself a whole lot. I definitely feel like my writing style has evolved a lot during this course. Specifically I find myself trying to say things more implicitly with my writing, showing the readers versus telling them. My writing is more descriptive and when I revise I find myself questioning if there is a better way I can word my writing so that it paints a better picture and allows for the reader to imagine rather than simply telling them what they are looking at. I feel like the snapshot piece allowed me to progress incredibly. I enjoy personal writing because I find it easier to write about myself. The snapshot piece allowed me to go further and really fine tune my personal writing and really work on the details of writing and letting show the reader the imagery of a situation without telling them what they should be thinking. This class has allowed me to look at different angles for writing and I feel it has really made me improve as a writer as it has pushed me to cater to an audience, include more detail, and only include what is necessary to a writings theme. I feel like although most of the writing we did was creative writing it will help me in any other writing I have to do in the future as it will be more focused.

Blog 9

Ending 1:

I walked toward the room where he was trapped and saw the man laying in a huge pool of blood. I stared in horror. I never meant to kill him. I was only interested in holding him for the police. How would I explain this to them? By the time I processes all of this; I had already made up my mind. I had to leave the scene.

Ending 2:

I walked into the room where the man was trapped. I slowly opened the door and crept into the dark room. I flashed my flash light in the dark corner where he should've been laying and my jaw dropped. There was nothing. Just then, we all heard a large crash coming from the next room. We all sprinted there and ran over to the glass wall where the man had jumped out and was now disappearing into the woods.

Ending 3:

I walked into the room where the man was trapped. I shined my flash light to the area where he should have been. He wasn't there. Just then I heard the door slam shut and a sinister laugh begin. I turned around slowly and there he was. The man from earlier. Wearing the same tan peacoat newly decorated with blood. I stepped back slowly until I my back was pressed against the wall. Until this moment i'd never wanted more to wish i could turn into a puddle of water. Before I could even think of a plan to help myself he rushed towards me and hit me over the head. I woke up to him in my face asking if i had anything to say. I only asked why; to which he had no reply. Right as I was thinking of another question he stabbed me repeatedly until I saw nothing but darkness.

Blog #9

Ending 1:

Prior to the news event Jason’s phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Jason Matthews?”

“Yes?”

“This is FBI Agent James, I have only one question for you, how did you know the Koreans were working with Baine T to have an attack on the White House?”

“I can read minds!”

With that reply Jason hangs up the phone.

Ending 2:

Prior to the news event Jason’s phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Jason Matthews?”

“Yes?”

“This is FBI Agent James, I have only one question for you, how did you know the Koreans were working with Baine T to have an attack on the White House?”

"Agent James, I am going to completely honest. I was working with the Koreans at first, when I begin looking suspicious they threatened to kill me and my family, then i decided to contact you."

"Jason, you are going to need a lawyer."

Ending 3:

Prior to the news event Jason’s phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Jason Matthews?”

“Yes?”

“This is FBI Agent James, I have only one question for you, how did you know the Koreans were working with Baine T to have an attack on the White House?”

"It all started one the first day. I shouldn't have befreinded them. What I thik happened was that they got to comfortable with me and told me all the details of their plan. I smiled and thought it was a joke and then they showed me and the blue prints and the weapons. I knew they were serious so I contacted the local police station, but they thought I was joking. Then I contacted you."

Blog #9 - Oliver Hamlin

Original:
Drew looked up and gulped. He was only ever in it for the money. “Remember the golden rule”, he reminded himself. “If you do something well, never do it for free.” However, rules were always made to be broken. The next deciding factor was the risk and reward of the job. There was all the risk and no reward, which made it all the more thrilling. He smirked. Two flaps echoed across the hallway. The sparrow had taken flight. Mr. Fox slid his driving gloves on one by one, packed the polished cutlery in a kevlar briefcase, and exited onto the doorstep clasping Jake’s letter in hand.

Drew looked up and gulped. He was only ever in it for the money. “Remember the golden rule”, he reminded himself. “If you do something well, never do it for free.” Rules were meant to be followed. Mr. Fox crumpled the letter and let out a sigh. It just wasn't worth the risk. Mr. Fox crumpled up the paper, turned toward his desk, and winced as he imagined the boy's tears running down his eyes.

Drew looked up and gulped. He was only ever in it for the money. “Remember the golden rule”, he reminded himself. “If you do something well, never do it for free.” However, rules were always made to be broken. Mr. Fox ran outside his door and scanned left and right. He saw a boy walking to a nearby bus. "It had to be him", he thought. He ran as fast as he could, and just before he set foot on the bus, Jake was brought back by Drew's arm. "We're doing this together", he said. "You and me."

Drew looked up and gulped. He was only ever in it for the money. “Remember the golden rule”, he reminded himself. “If you do something well, never do it for free.” However, rules were always made to be broken. The next deciding factor was the risk and reward of the job. There was all the risk and no reward, which made it all the more thrilling. He smirked. Two flaps echoed across the hallway. The sparrow had taken flight. Taking out the ex of your wife could never be more thrilling.

Blog 9

In the beginning of my story I start at the end and then fill in the missing pieces. A brief overview is there are 2 boys struggled to roll a large drum into the ocean. You could hear a muffled cry for help. After filling in the missing pieces these are my options for endings:

1. I raced down towards the ocean where the three of them were. They just began to repeat over and over again, frantically at the same time, "it was a mistake, it was a mistake, it was a..." Once I got closer I recognized it was Tyler and in panic yelled "what happened!" They couldn't afford to have any witnesses, especially that knew the victim. So without any response I was smothered and shoved into a drum that began being rolled into the ocean. (Leaves reader not knowing the outcome for sure)

2. I raced down towards the ocean where the three of them were. They just began to repeat over and over again, frantically at the same time, "it was a mistake, it was a mistake, it was a..." Once I got closer I recognized it was Tyler and in panic yelled "what happened!" They couldn't afford to have any witnesses, especially that knew the victim. So without any response I was smothered and shoved into a drum that began being rolled into the ocean. Once I was completely under water I woke up and for a brief second was freaking out and then I realized it was all a dream. I walked up the stairs to see Tyler eating breakfast and just say " whats up" and I go on to tell him about the crazy dream I had woke up from.

3. I raced down towards the ocean where the three of them were. They just began to repeat over and over again, frantically at the same time, "it was a mistake, it was a mistake, it was a..." Once I got closer I saw it wasn't Tyler, I was relieved but at the same time wondered what happened to this kid. I asked if he was alright, knowing he obviously wasn't. The guys tried telling a story and after stumbling over their words constantly you could tell they were lying. I told them I was getting the police and they attempted to grab me. I knocked his hand away and sprinted. I felt like an olympic track runner, I was running faster than I ever have in my life. It was surprisingly easy to out run them. They eventually gave up and after they assumed I was getting the police they quickly tried to make a decision with the body. But I actually stayed to keep watch and see what they did with that kid. They began rolling him into the ocean in a drum, he must have woken up because you could hear a muffled cry for help.

Blog #9

“I need to return this car right now and get my money back.” “I’m sorry, no can do, Sir. We have a no return policy. You would know if you hadn’t yelled in my face earlier.” “No. I NEED my money back. You don’t understand.” “I’m sorry boy. It does seem that he who wants everything every time will lose everything anytime. When morality comes up against greed, it is seldom that greed loses. There is nothing you can do.” All of a sudden, a flash of light came in through the sky with a loud bang. The ground began to shake and soon enough, the whole place was shaking also. Another flash of light came down struck the man and all of a sudden, the counter went up in smoke. When the smoked cleared, I looked around and the entire parking lot was empty and all was quiet. I stared into the blank space. All that faced ahead of me was darkness. A vision of what my life had  become.

“I need to return this car right now and get my money back.” “I’m sorry, no can do, Sir. We have a no return policy. You would know if you hadn’t yelled in my face earlier.” “No. I NEED my money back. You don’t understand.” “I’m sorry boy. It does seem that he who wants everything every time will lose everything anytime. When morality comes up against greed, it is seldom that greed loses. There is nothing you can do.” I stared in shock for a few seconds but slowly came to the realization that this was the outcome of what I have done. The words this man has said finally hit me. I put my head down and slowly walked away. When I got back to my corner, I sat down in despair. If this is what my life had become, I didn't wanna do it anymore. I suddenly got up and ran in to the middle of the street. A huge truck was coming and all I could remember after that was darkness.

“I need to return this car right now and get my money back.” “I’m sorry, no can do, Sir. We have a no return policy. You would know if you hadn’t yelled in my face earlier.” “No. I NEED my money back. You don’t understand.” “I’m sorry boy. It does seem that he who wants everything every time will lose everything anytime. When morality comes up against greed, it is seldom that greed loses. There is nothing you can do.”  "Please. I'm begging you." "Fine." said the man. "On one condition..." "what is that?" I asked. "You need to give back." "what do you mean?" I asked. "You need to donate half of your money to people who actually need it." "Done." I say. I walked down the street to a poor family sitting on the sidewalk in rags. "Here." I said, as I handed them $3,000. "You need this more than I do." The look on the family's face was priceless. It was a look I will never be able to forget